First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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