i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
