I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
