So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think my fart just growled at me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
