I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
