I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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