Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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