dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
