what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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