i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
