I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
