i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
kristin has been a bad kristin
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
