I heard we made out
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
