just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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