I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
