On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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