she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
