I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
