I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
