You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
