the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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