she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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