Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
