you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
