Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
where does the pee come out of this thing
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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