I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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