I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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