when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My breasts were aching with rage.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
