So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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