I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
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I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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Vodka?
Forever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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