But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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