dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
