before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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