You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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