I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
