It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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