i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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