I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
