i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
