On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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