lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
