The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I won the penis lottery.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize