about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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