You're a womanizer and a bitch.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
