I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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