and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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