that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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