If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
