I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
