So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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