you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
