You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
