big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
