I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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