Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
