so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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