He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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