Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
