I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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