the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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