Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
birth control should be required to get into college
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
