Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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