my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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