just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You have to summon your inner elephant
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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