I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize