i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
