Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
