I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
