Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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