sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
