I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
