Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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