So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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